To find you or me
by deadlykitty
Summary: A lonely man stands on the porch of his love's new home, fighting himself for the courage to just knock on her door, to beg her to come back to him, while she sits on the other side forcing herself to keep the door closed for his own happiness. SxT
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue:_

_Someone is waiting alone on my front porch, just standing there while the rain pours down to soak everything. He stares emptily at my door knocker, as if waiting for the courage to see me. Many times he raised his hand, and just as many times let it fall to his side._

_His head drops, and he kneels on my step, leaning his head against the door. So badly do I want to run and open it for him, so badly I want to show him that yes, I still love him, but I can't. The only reason he stands there now is because I was the weak one. I was the one who wanted him to be happy... even if it meant he were not with me. I am nine years younger than him, it isn't fair to him when he could be much happier with someone else. All I want is for him to be happy, even if it kills m inside._

_We met not too long ago, when I ran across a lonely house in the midst of a forest..._

Hey, sorry I'm not updating, I just wanted to get this story up. I came up with it awhile ago, but had only hand written the first little bit. Pretty much, I just wanted to get this one up and written and then maybe a couple of others while I come up with ideas for my others. Don't worry, none of them have been forgotten, no matter how long it's been since I updated it. Anyway, on to the story!! By the way, Tohru's mind set is a little (OK, a LOT) OOC. I figured it suits her better for this story than being so bubbly headed the plot would never get moving!!

Disclaimer: ain't mine, though I do own some merchandise...

I live in a tent. Make that I lived in a tent. Yesterday I was found out by my classmate Yuki Sohma, and his older cousin Shigure. There was a landslide while I was being lectured on how my camping site was on private land, so whoops! My mistake. I would have just moved someplace else, but too late, my home was gone. Instead, the two have been so kind to me and are allowing me to stay with them until my Grandfather's remodeling is finished. I will return to living with him when the time comes.

Everything is so new, I'm still getting used to the idea of living with the two men, and one one other, Kyo Sohma. Kyo makes a rather odd first impression, crashing through roofs like he does. Shigure was slightly perverted when I met him, so I guess I can't just call Kyo odd. So far most of the Sohmas I've met are!

Speak of the devil, there's the perv now. "Tohru, will you follow me for a moment, please?"

"Sure, Shigure-san! Is there anything I can do to help you?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, I just wanted to talk to you a little, get to you know you better seeing as we'll be living together for awhile. Also, to discuss the chores that will and won't need to be done."

"Oh, all right. Anything you need done, I'll be glad to help you!" Even if it was far from what I was thinking of doing, I had long since begun a facade of being the nice, bubbly-headed idiot everyone adored.

To be honest to myself would mean admitting that the way he posed in the office's doorway was arousing me to the point of no control. He was looking down at me from his six feet of height to my own five foot three with a smirk of bemusement across his features. The yukata adorning his built body lay slightly open and drooped off his shoulder just the slightest bit to show off that tight, smooth stomach and one small nipple itching to be played with by me. His face is handsome too, making the image of him all the more appealing. Those gray-black and secluded eyes were searching me for an answer I was hiding equally as well as he was, and that matching hair color of his was helping the effect. The whole scene looked as though he had planned it, down to his sweeping surveillance of my body.

"I'll remember that, Tohru." he whispered, before slowly lowering the arm he had had propped up on the door frame. He adjusted his clothing before turning into the room, opening it enough to almost show me his entire chest. Not a hair to be seen. Cocky man, probably does anything to get himself laid.

Pretending not to understand, I tilted my head to the side for a moment before shaking it off. "So what all do you want me to do? I would gladly clean the house top to bottom, cook you whatever you want, however you want it! And if you want takeout I will gladly or-"

"Tohru, Tohru, Tohru! You make it sound like I want you to never have any time for yourself while you're living here. You'd just overwork your self, like you were doing before. No, all you have to do is general straightening when it needs it, and you don't have to do anything extravagant for food. Whatever you'd like to cook will be fine with us. Just be your self and do things at your own pace. All right?"

More pretending to do while I yawn inside. This man is dull. While I pretend to look very happy, calm and composed I tell him "Thank you, Shigure-san, I will do my best."

We had been standing in his messy office throughout the conversation. Shigure decided at that point to sit down on the floor at his desk, leaning against his bed while reaching for a bottle of sake. "One more thing on the chores bit, do not clean in here. It's my room, and I rather like my privacy and clutter."

"Anything you want, Shigure-san." I turned to go, curious as to just what all does he have to hide in here.

He stopped me before I shut the door. "Oh, and, Tohru?"

"Yes, Shigure-san?"

"Don't call me 'san'. You make me feel like I'm a stranger to you. My name is Shigure, just as yours is Tohru."

I smiled, genuinely, this time. "Sure... Shigure."

Calling anybody 'san' for so long was getting on my nerves, too.

Well, that's it for this chapter. I know it's short and not very far in the story, but I'll be doing time skips quite often, just to keep it interesting and to move up the plot line. Anyway, please review me with what you thought! I hate having to do this, but I won't update until at least five reviews have been given. Too many of my stories are hits that just get recognition from the readers. And I have one flame to my name, I don't care if you make it two or more or whatever, just so long as you tell me what the problem you have with my story is. I write for my fans first, myself second. If you don't say what you think, I don't know, lose interest and stop writing on any of my stories until I'm told that people like what I'm doing and want more. Sorry if its selfish to want to know your honest opinion, but that's just how I am.

(By the way, sorry for the long author's note, needed to get that bit said now so I don't have to repeat it all again later.)


	2. Chapter 2

And back! That took a while... I'm so sorry everyone! I'm constantly busy and have little me time anymore. What with karate, band, vocal, and the job I start soon, well, you can get the idea of how busy. Anyway, no more wasting time when I should be writing!!

Disclaimer: No, it still isn't mine, and if you believe it will be at some point in time, think again.

My stay at the Sohma house ended up being more than just temporary. A few weeks after new Years I received a phone call from my grandfather, telling me the renovations were complete. Yes, I did return... for a day. Yuki and Kyo were very prompt about rescuing me from what was soon to become a living Hell in every aspect.

Because my residency became more permanent, it was decided I could inform my friends about my new address. To ascertain for themselves that all would be fine, the two soon came over to investigate.

It was like a disaster waiting to happen! So many times if any of the three Sohmas walked into the room with them you could be sure they would soon be transforming. We did have fun, though, I will admit to that.

Shigure was probably the most excited about my friends coming over, and although he was possibly disappointed with their persona types, one a yankee and the other goth, even a week later he could be heard singing high school girls in his study. When ever I happened to pass by the room I distinctly caught his gaze as he continued to sing, a serious expression as he stared at me.

With the arrival of Momiji and Hatsuharu, everything seemed even more topsy-turvy. Haru, when he went Black, became a total pervert. When White Day came around, the others showed me how grateful they were for the chocolates I'd given them previously for Valentines by way of their return gifts. Momiji was very sweet, taking us all to a hot springs resort for the weekend. Yuki gave me a ribbon, and for Kyo, he promised to put up with Yuki. Shigure, on the other hand, went over board. Upon our arrival back home, he called me into his study once again.

"Tohru, I hope you know I wish I could have gone with you to the hot springs resort. I shudder to think what all those lecherous boys did to you in my absence!" he dramatized.

I giggled for him, though inside I felt much more giddy. My facade was the only thing keeping me from laughing my guts out right there. "It's all right, Shigure. You had to work, I understand. I do wish Momiji hadn't gone to so much trouble for me, though."

The man chuckled. It wasn't just his idea to go to the resort."

"Oh?" I asked, curious.

"Yes. I played a role in that myself, but one of those annoying book conferences prevented me from joining all of you. I found another gift for you instead, and I hope you like it." he was so serious, I never would have expected what he pulled out from behind his back.

My eyes shot wide, as I sank in the sight of the little uniform, key word being 'little.' With a short skirt and plunging neckline, the maid's uniform was quite the naughty ensemble, as well the author knew.

"Sh-Shigure... is that... really...?"

He was smirking now. "Yes, it is. Like it?" I couldn't move as he came closer to me, the same grin plastered across his face. "It was made by Ayame specifically for you. A good designer can tell with his eyes the size of the model, and he is anxious to hear how it fits. How about trying it on... Tohru? For me?" We were standing so close now I almost couldn't breathe without his scent filling my nostrils, causing me to further swoon, almost.

"B-but... Shigure..."

"Do you not like it, Tohru?" he faked a hurt look, but the expression in his eyes showed an ulterior motive.

Finally realizing his game, I smiled curtly myself. "Shigure... where do you expect me to change? If I go outside the room wearing it or even just holding it, you can imagine how Yuki and Kyo will react. And if you merely stood in the hall they would still get suspicious of you..."

He nodded. "A bit of a problem isn't it? There is one more solution, one you haven't mentioned yet."

"And that would be?" I knew what it was.

This time he leaned his lips in to my ear, playing with a strand of my hair. "Change in front of me..." he kissed my ear before leaning back, gong to sit on his bed.

I faked surprise. "Why, Shigure! I couldn't do that... not with you looking at least... maybe, if you turned around?"

The man smirked again. "As you wish, princess." he actually did turn to face the opposite wall, without so much as an extra comment.

Slowly, I began to undress. Keeping my eyes on his turned head the entire time. It was like I shared a room with a statue.

Once every article of my clothing had been discarded, excepting my panties, I pulled the dress on. There were ties in the back, something I could torture the pervert with.

"Oh, Shigure, it seems I can't get the straps at the back. Would you please help me?" I asked, purposely trying to sound desperate and seductive. He turned around, and I met his eyes, though I had turned to the other wall, showing him the dilemma I didn't really have.

"With pleasure..." he growled quickly coming up behind me. His hands wasted no time grabbing my waist on the pretense of holding the fabric closer to my body. I could feel the heat of his stare as his eyes raked over my back in a greedy fashion. Slowly, and with many unwarranted caresses of my skin he began to tie up the straps.

When he was done, one hand slid back down to my waist while the other tickled my shoulder as he searched for my hand. Upon reaching it he twirled me around to face him, his eyes darting around appreciatively. "It fits you quite well, Tohru..."

It was my turn to smirk. "And you would know... how?" he had started to spin me around as if leading me in a romantic dance.

"By the way it fits your body's delectable curves..." he growled, for the first time blatantly acknowledging his crush on me. Or was it lust? With him it seemed both were possible, though lust more likely.

"I don't know if I should thank you or not... you're starting to make it seem like you want it off me more than on."

"And if I told you the truth?" he whispered, leaning his face closer to mine. Our bodies continued to sway as both of his hands snaked themselves across my hips.

"Then," his face was merely an inch away now, "I would have to answer you, too."

"Favorably or negatively?" he growled again, letting me know the way to tell he was aroused.

Our lips were less than a breaths' hair away from the other, and as I spoke they just barely rubbed themselves together at the edges, "what do you think?" His lips crashed into mine, melding our mouths together as the only way we could with his curse.

With passion we lost track of time, and with lust we made it up. Our tongues were at war, and if he could have held me in his arms he would have been crushing my body to his. Such is the way it was when the kiss came to an end, Shigure caressing my face in his hands. Softly, he whispered before slowly bringing his lips to mine again, "Tohru, you are _not _the innocent, and I'm starting to think you never were."

I merely chuckled into his lips as the passion slowly flowed back to us. Oh, if only he knew how right he was...

Well, not really what I was hoping for, but I kinda like this turn better. It might seem kind of rushed, but I think it might have been exactly what the story would need later on. Please let me know what you thought, I require five reviews for the next chapter, all right?? Thanks!!


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